Hold Tight Amy
by Starjargon
Summary: Amy's Thoughts during A Good Man Goes to War. K for theme.


**A/N. Wrote this before and decided to post it. Still a bit of a rough draft, so more of a work in progress. Let me know what you think. **

How dare he?! He came in, like a savior, swooping down to fix everything. She had believed in him. Still tried to. But her faith was waivering.

She had held on when he'd told Rory to leave her as the pain started. Held on as he explained she was having a child she didn't even know was growing within her. Even held on when she woke up, alone, terrified, she had no idea where, and a baby ready to come into the world. She held on.

Melody grounded her. The tiny miracle in her hands, with whom she knew she would only have a few short moments. It was as though her very life was tied- up in the tiny white bundle in her arms. She refused to let those moments be tear-filled. Her daughter would have a mother who was happy she was born, no matter the circumstances. The only way she knew to do that was to tell her the story. She told her the story of a good man. The best man. The one she had chosen.

Even talking about him brought a smile to her face. That smile she wore in the picture she had seen months ago in a small, run down orphanage. They took that picture, before they took her baby. She almost lost it then. But she quickly pulled herself together to reassure her whimpering daughter. She smiled, so Melody could associate her father with safety and joy. Then they carried her off, and Amy did lose it. The only way she knew how at the moment. She got mad.

They would be sorry. All of them. Because they just took her life and she didn't know how she would hold on but miraculously she still did. Because it was ok. Rory would come for her- he always would. And he'd bring the Doctor with him. Everything would be ok. The Doctor would rescue her, Rory would protect their baby, and Melody would be so amazing after the life she would lead. She just had to hold on. And hold tight.

Then they came. Those two, impossible men came- her Raggedy Man ever the attention seeker- coming to make the bad guys run away, and her husband- the quiet soldier who would always be there to pick up after the Doctor's damage. Rory brought life back to her. And once she got it back, she held tight.

But it had all been a lie. Her life was still gone. Melody had been taken. And for once, she doubted him. He let them rip her life away from her and all he could say was sorry?! No. She could hold onto her belief no more. She couldn't even be near him. Or look at him. What she wanted, second to her baby, was to… was too. She couldn't. Couldn't bring herself to break him like that, even now.

Then _she_ showed up. She was her friend. Or so she had thought. She'd met her a few times already, and felt as though she could trust her third only to her husband and her Raggedy Man. And she came with a light comment and a mischievous smirk. Yes. River would make everything alright again.

Amy was furious. Because she had believed, and held onto that belief so tightly it wrapped around her even as her baby was ripped away from her, twice. She even started to believe again after River said she would be alright and Rory's arms wrapped tighter around her.

But they had been too late. Her life had been ripped from her arms and carried who knew where and who knew when. No, she was not ok. But then River showed up. After all the fighting was done. When she could do nothing but hold Rory to stop her arms from feeling so, so empty.

And she began scolding the Doctor. Doing what Amy had longed to do, still longed to do but couldn't bring herself to when she saw his broken face. She blamed him. Out loud. Called him on his wrongdoing. Yes. Blame him. Get angry because he wasn't the great warrior everyone was convinced he was. At the moment, he wasn't a great anything to her. Yes River, tell him.

A sliver of hope welled in Amy. She was here. She wouldn't let him get away with anything. And she always seemed to know everything. She just knew after the scolding would come the small spoiler, as it had after the Byzantium, that would lead to the Doctor putting her child back in her arms. She could breathe again, when she finally released Rory to listen more closely.

No. Not with the flirting again. Not with the crib her baby had so recently slept in. No- not her baby. But so much her child. Focus River. There then. The answer would be on the crib. Amy scrutinized, trying to make out the guide that would lead them to her child, surely. But she couldn't see whatever it was the Doctor was meant to.

Good. A giggle. That means he knew. She had shown him. He knew how to get Melody back. That sliver of hope grew back into that belief she had begun to let go of. He was giddy. Any second he would call them into the TARDIS and River would punch in the correct coordinates to get Melody in her arms.

Wait. This is not how it was supposed to go. HE wasn't supposed to leave her. He was supposed to gather them all in his ship so SHE could be the first one her baby saw when she was rescued. She made a lunge toward the TARDIS, but it dematerialized as she got there a moment too late.

She wanted answers. And apparently River knew them. But her hope of finding her daughter had just left, and River wanted her to stay calm?! NO. She'd been calm. She'd held on. She'd waited. She was done. She barely registered as she picked up the gun to threaten the woman who knew everything but revealed nothing.

She gave her a chance to explain as she inched closer and closer. Then she told her to concentrate on the magic map, which still made no sense to her. No, that obviously wouldn't help her find her baby. Rory was there. He took the weapon from her hand. He was her center when her very being was so, so far away.

And suddenly River was making her angry again. Did she actually think she needed any help to remember every detail about her very essence, especially something so special and crucial as her daughter's name? Forest? Is that where Melody is? She looked at the prayer leaf. Perhaps this would lead her back to her child as that soldier had said. Wait- Name. Forest. Pond. River. No. It couldn't be. Could it? Then she stared up at her eyes. NO. Rory's eyes. And she couldn't believe it.


End file.
